Saturday, February 20, 2010

A whole new world...

Well today I hoped to wake up and yesterday be all a dream....but today's it's a whole new world for us. A world of uncertainty...a world of unknown....a world of what ifs. Yesterday we woke up and went about our business as we always it all felt strange. It feels foreign and icky. We've become accustomed to our comfortable lifestyle. And now I have to second guess all we do...second guess what feels natural to me. Today I called to cancel our "romantic weekend away" that we were planning for next weekend. I cancelled my hair appointment. I found myself questioning what items we really, really, really couldn't live without at Walmart today. I hate not knowing what's headed our way...I feel so unprepared. I (if you've not already caught one) am a PLANNER by nature...I plan things way ahead of time. I didn't plan for this...and I can no longer plan for our future at the moment and it sucks.

We've been through hard times before. When we first got married I had just graduated and yet to get a "real" teaching job so I was subsitute teaching & Travis was working at KMart while he finished college. We had very fact we went without heat that entire winter because we couldn't afford the heating bill...we lived huddled near a small space heater and under an lime green electric blanket. But we were happy. We knew no other life and we were in newlywed bliss.

But that was years ago and I don't know how to live that life right now. I know we will get through...I know God will provide but it sucks. I am bitter and angry and emotional and regretful that we didn't plan for this earlier.

But then again I am thankful for what we do have...we have a beautiful daughter who is oblivious to this whole scenario and makes me laugh even when I want to cry. We have a house (at least for now, haha). I have a job. We have a wonderful support system who are lifting us up in prayer and giving us words of encouragement...and that includes all you bloggers who have left us some absolutley beautiful comments...I cannot express what those mean to us. We have each other to lean on. And we have a God who will provide for us. We will get through. (I just have to keep repeating that over and over to myself).

And....anyway........moving on to not so depressing subject is a whole new world for us in that we now have a crawling machine in our house!

Today she found the fireplace and tried getting the rocks out of it...Oh my...what will we do next?

And it was a BEAUTIFUL day so we decided to get out and find something to do with ourselves. We found ourselves at the park. It seemed everyone had that same idea in that it was packed! We tried Essie in the swing for the first time...she was very serious the whole time. I think she would've rather just sat and watched the kids playing. She was engrossed with them!

And then this evening our dear friends Sarah and Matthew came over to grill out and watch "Couples Retreat". Matthew works on the road and is gone alot...he had only come home for the weekend in fact. But Essie loves him and is always sooooo excited and happy to see him....

No comments:

Related Posts with Thumbnails